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12. The Way We See Ourselves |
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An important aspect of what
we call enlightenment or human revolution is to change
the way we see ourselves to see the unconditional value
of life within us, which neither requires comparison with
others nor depends upon our transient appearance. It is
a simple idea yet requires a difficult change of perspective
since we have been trained for most of our lives to judge
ourselves by how well we fulfill our socially prescribed
roles in comparison with others. Those roles are often
related to status or gender but rarely to our individual
uniqueness.
As early as our social life begins, we start learning
to judge ourselves in terms of others: I'm not as smart
as other kids or I'm not as slim as other girls. Later
in life, we still judge our worth in the same way: I'm
a loser because I don't make as much money as most successful
men do or I'm miserable because I'm not married as all
happy women should be. With subtle yet repeated reinforcement
and censure from society and media, we learn to live our
lives through the eyes of others, to think of our happiness
in terms of the ideas borrowed from or imposed upon us
by others. In America, people are free to express their
thoughts, but not many seem to have thoughts or even feelings
of their own.
Nichiren Daishonin explains our innate Buddhahood as an
absolute value of goodness, often describing it with ex-pressions
such as unmade (Jpn musa), originally endowed (Jpn hon'nu)
or eter- nally dwelling (Jpn joju). Buddha- hood, in other
words, is good in and of itself, not because of exter-
nal conditions or circumstances. To awaken to this treasure
within us is happiness while our ignorance of it spells
suffering. As the Daishonin states, When deluded, one
is called an ordinary being, but when enlightened, one
is called a Buddha (The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin,
p. 4).
The sad irony of modern men and women who have lost touch
with their own lives is echoed in the Daishonin's following
words: If you seek enlightenment outside yourself, then
your performing...even ten thousand good deeds will be
in vain. It is like the case of a poor man who spends
night and day counting his neighbor's wealth but gains
not even half a coin (WND, 3). All the hard work we do
for our success and happiness would be wasted if those
ideas were simply imposed on us from the outside and naively
accepted without critical thinking and reflection.
Deriving self-worth by comparing ourselves with others
is one of our most destructive habits. It may be even
described as a form of self-inflicted violence since it
weakens us by de-centering our existence in the sense
that it shifts the center of power to decide the meaning
of our lives to the outside. We let others decide what
our happiness is, instead of deciding for ourselves. With
the power of self-determination lost to external authority,
we are no longer free nor independent. Since we live in
a competitive society where this sort of comparison is
encouraged and often unavoidable, it is a difficult habit
to break, but to do so is crucial to our genuine happiness
and freedom.
It is ironic that the original meaning of the word compete
derives from the Latin com- ogether and petere o seek
or o strive. Competition did not originally connote comparison;
it meant o strive together after shared goals. Just as
the Daishonin characterizes the state of Anger with contention
and strife (WND, 100), competition in society often gives
rise to anger, overt or suppressed.
To judge self-worth by comparing oneself with others is
essentially an authoritarian way of life in which one
seeks comfort and security in the approval of an external
power. To unlearn such an authoritarian orientation and
build a society in which people may live true to their
unique identities is certainly an aspiration of our multifaceted
Soka Spirit movement, which aims for the liberation of
individuals from all forms of authoritarianism, both within
and without.
One way to overcome our tendency to compare ourselves
with others is through learning how to praise ourselves
for our unique, intrinsic value. A common concern about
self-praise is that it may cause arrogance, probably due
to our Judeo-Christian tradition in which self-humiliation
is often regarded as a necessary virtue to praise God,
while self-praise is deemed as a sign of pride, which
is one of the seven deadly sins. It should be noted, however,
that arrogance is a defensive posture caused by a tendency
to assume a sense of superiority or inferiority by comparing
oneself with others. Therefore, so long as we praise ourselves
solely for who we are and for our innate Buddhahood, we
will never become arrogant, though we may at times seem
arrogant to arrogant people. Indeed, the greatest way
to praise ourselves is prayer that sincerely affirms our
supreme potential as the Daishonin states, When you chant
myoho and recite renge, you must summon up deep faith
that Myoho-renge-kyo is your life itself (WND, 3). As
we praise ourselves in this way, we will grow confident
yet humble because we start to recognize the same quality
of Buddhahood in others as well. Appreciation for oneself
leads to appreciation for others, which further strengthens
self-esteem. The way we see ourselves is not only the
way we live our lives, but also the way we relate to others.
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(Originally published in the World
Tribune, Nov. 9, 2001)
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